At my office we have a boardroom, most offices do, some have two. With the recent downturn in the economy it seems the boardroom gets used once a week, sometimes less. This big room, large table and all these chairs just sitting there... NOT being used. It seems a tragic waste.

In fact, I imagine there's a LOT of offices out there like this, heck, you're probably reading this from a cramped cubicle under the glare of phosphorescent lights, yet just around the corner, there's this open concept meeting room with comfy chairs and nice soft lighting... empty.

Kind of makes you bitter.

At my office we have a whiner. Aaron has been my friend for, god, over 10 years, but he is SUCH a whiner.

A whiner to a SPECTACULAR degree.

One day, a long time ago, Aaron and I were driving around the city with my friend Kirk trying to find a place to eat. Kirk and I really wanted to get back to my place quick, as I had just purchased a Dreamcast and we wanted to beat each other up in Soul Caliber all night. So I suggested we just pick up some chicken burgers from a drive through and eat them quickly on the way home.

Aaron says (and do this in the WHINEST voice possible)

"AwwwWWWWwwww, I don't WANNA get drive through... first you gotta sit waiting breathing fumes, then you gotta order through the broken microphone, then they get your order all wrong and then you get it spilt all over yourself because the car isn't steady."

Fine, I suggest we go sit down at that noodle house.

"AwwwWWWWwww, I don't WANNA get noodles... first they treat you bad cause you're white, then you gotta order something you don't know cause you can't read the menu, then it's all greasy and it smells funny and then you gotta TIP for the lousy service."

Ok, I suggest we just go back to my place and order pizza

"AWWwwWWWWWWW, I don't WANNA order pizza... First you gotta order it, then you gotta wait for it... then you gotta PAY for it..."

And then, the line he will NEVER live down.

"and THEN you gotta EAT it."

Kirk and I laughed for a good thirty minutes, we always knew Aaron loved to whine for the sake of whining, but to whine about actually having to... you know.. EAT FOOD was just too much.

"AwwwWWWWwww" we said mocking him "then you gotta DIGEST it"

of all the things to complain about.

"AwwwWWWWwww , Then you gotta BREATHE... "

Good old Aaron. Has a perfect life with a perfect girlfriend and a perfect job, but he can't stop whining.

Kind of makes you bitter.

-

Well, I have a solution.

I suggest killing two birds with one stone.

Use the big empty meeting room to VENT on the whiner.

How you ask?

Take the whiner, throw his ass on the floor, hold him down, and get everyone to pile the 50 chairs on top of him, just wait for the appropriate moment:

Aaron: AwWwwWWwww, I don't WANNA book this campaign, the sales guy ALWAYS talks down to me, and it's a big WASTE of time, and it's raining and my office is cold.

Ben: .... Dude one more word out of you and I'm going to bury you in office chairs.

Aaron: AWwWWWwWW, I don't WANNA..."

The big empty boardroom is used in a morale AND team building exercise, the whiner, who finally has a REASON to whine will learn to count his blessings and shut up.

You might think it's silly, but trust me, this is IMMENSLY therapeutic for all involved. Try it, you'll thank me.

In fact, do it, and take pictures of the whiner under the chairs, and mail the pictures to me. I'll post them here, I'll even rank them on a scale.

You'll get bonus points if:

1. The whiner is incapable of getting out under his own power.



2. The whiner is completely invisible and/or unrecognizable.



3. You manage to get the HEAD chair (and/or a chair that has some significance, like our bugs bunny chair) on top in symbolic way.



4. You climb and pose on top of the pile (extreme discomfort caused to the whiner appreciated but not required).